Don't You Die On Me!

Topic: A houseplant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.

Yo houseplant dude,

Look, I'm sorry I forgot to water you for three months and I get that you're thirsty. But here's the thing little houseplant bro, I need you. We live in a state that is covered by white for half of the year. You are the color in my life. You're that little speck of green in a monotone world. You are important. I know that you haven't really seen the sun for a while, and there's not a whole lot I can do about that. It's Alaska, we have a few months of really fucking dark outside but you gotta know the sun is coming back. In fact, it's going to come back six minutes a day until it's out for twenty four hours. That's twenty four hours of pure sunshine little man, that has to be something to hold on for. I also really need you to understand that I don't go outside very often, and you create the oxygen that I need to breathe. You smell good, you're pretty, and you light up my world like nobody else. Wait... that's a One Direction song. Do you see how much you mean to me little houseplant? I'm serenading you with boy bands. You can do this. You can live. You can hold out until the sweet smell of summers in Alaska comes back, I have faith in you. You got this. If you promise to keep on keeping on I'll promise to water you everyday... for like a week... until I forget again.

Love,
Your homie with a black thumb.

A Thanksgiving Limerick.

Topic: The worst Thanksgiving dish you ever had.

Today I bring you a limerick. I'll have you know at first I got a limerick confused as a haiku. Kind of. I thought it was supposed to be done by syllables. Five, Five, Seven, Seven, Five. But it didn't seem right so I googled it and got my shit together. Enjoy my beautiful poetry written about the disgusting purple blob that I only ever seen drug out of wherever it's hidden once a year on Thanksgiving. Cranberry sauce makers have to bank on this one holiday, it's the only time people ever buy their stuff. Alas, my poem.

Cranberry sauce you're so yucky.

Your taste is so very sucky.

You wiggle and jiggle

But I never giggle

To not have to eat you is lucky.

What Can Happen In A Second

Topic One: What Can Happen In A Second

When you're watching the clock in a tedious meeting or trying to calm a fussy baby on exactly twenty seconds of sleep in the past three days, five seconds can feel like five years. When you're doing something you love and are passionate about or having a great time with friends and family, three hours can feel like three seconds. There are split second decisions that change your life, seconds that you kill, and seconds that will take your breath away. Time is relative and constantly changing everything around you. In the time it's taken you to read this, you're just a little bit different than you were. The world is not the same place it was just a second ago. There are roughly five births and two deaths a second globally. That means that every second you are alive, you are living in a world that has never existed in it's current state before. There is someone new, and someone missing. The average person lives to be eighty one years old. That's two billion five hundred fifty four million four hundred and sixteen thousand seconds. Some people get more while some people get less. There are those who have more seconds than they want, and those that have their seconds stolen from them before they got to truly learn how to appreciate them. But everything you will ever know, everything that you will ever do, every emotion and experience that you will ever have is shoved into those seconds. Your seconds are fleeting, what are you going to do with them?


Thoughts: I really don't like this post as much as I thought I would. It's a good topic that I absolutely did not do justice. Writers block on day one, that's how I start shit around here.