Friday, December 19, 2014

Don't You Die On Me!

Topic: A houseplant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.

Yo houseplant dude,

Look, I'm sorry I forgot to water you for three months and I get that you're thirsty. But here's the thing little houseplant bro, I need you. We live in a state that is covered by white for half of the year. You are the color in my life. You're that little speck of green in a monotone world. You are important. I know that you haven't really seen the sun for a while, and there's not a whole lot I can do about that. It's Alaska, we have a few months of really fucking dark outside but you gotta know the sun is coming back. In fact, it's going to come back six minutes a day until it's out for twenty four hours. That's twenty four hours of pure sunshine little man, that has to be something to hold on for. I also really need you to understand that I don't go outside very often, and you create the oxygen that I need to breathe. You smell good, you're pretty, and you light up my world like nobody else. Wait... that's a One Direction song. Do you see how much you mean to me little houseplant? I'm serenading you with boy bands. You can do this. You can live. You can hold out until the sweet smell of summers in Alaska comes back, I have faith in you. You got this. If you promise to keep on keeping on I'll promise to water you everyday... for like a week... until I forget again.

Your homie with a black thumb.

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