Friday, February 6, 2015

All Aboard the Whore Train

Topic: Long lost roommate.

I thought about writing a story, but instead I'm going to tell you about my first roommate in college. Let me tell you, this girl had issues. I opted to live in the apartments on campus instead of the dorms. There were less rules and more freedom, and I loved living there. It's where I met the bestbian and over all it was a great experience. But then there was my roommate. Jessica. She was the RA and was supposed to do random room checks for alcohol, make sure that nobody was smoking in the buildings, make sure there were no overnight visitors, and that the noise levels were kept under control at night. She was awful at her job. Jessica was an overweight girl who definitely had fat girl syndrome. That's when you let your weight affect your self esteem to the point of completely changing who you are in order to gain men's approval. This woman. Oh this woman. She was annoying. When someone is sitting in the living room, on their computer watching a show, with their headphones in, curled up in a ball, what does their body language say? To me, it's leave me alone and let me hide from the world. To her it meant let me keep talking to you about all the one night stands I'm having until you're forced to take the headphones out all together. She would wait until I put the headphones back in to start talking again. It was ridiculously awful. And the one night stands. Dear god it's like our apartment had a revolving door. There was a constant strand of guys she just met being taken back into the room, a bunch of disgusting loud noises, and then he'd stride out like big man on campus while she sat and pitied herself about why nobody called again. Possibly because you acted a whore? Maybe? Yeah? It was beyond ridiculous and disgusting. She had a rule with her hook ups, she wouldn't kiss them. It helped keep it casual to her I guess. When the upstairs neighbor Sadie moved in it got so much worse. They were actually in competition to see who could sleep with more men. I lost count after fifteen. I felt like everything needed to be sterilized with penicillin before I could touch it. I ended up basically moving in to the bestbians apartment upstairs to escape the whore train. Thankfully, she was fired and forced to move off campus when one of the people in charge of the apartments caught her drunk as hell. It was a beautiful moment for me. This is one long lost roommate that I am more than happy to let stay long lost.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

How My Faith in Humanity Was Stolen and Returned in a Day

Topic: Something you had that was stolen.

After my sister Samantha was born my family participated in The Buddy Walk. The Buddy Walk is an organized walk to raise awareness for Down Syndrome. I walked around town asking for donations and had raised over five hundred dollars in cash and checks. I had kept the money in my locker, and being young and dumb I left my locker unlocked. I lived in a small town and didn't think anyone would steal from me, but I was wrong. Very wrong. I went to go get my books for my next class and realized that the envelope was missing. I was heart broken. I went to the office to report it and there was nothing they could do. It was my fault I left my locker unlocked. I had to go around and tell everyone that I could remember donated that the money was stolen and while I appreciated their donations it wouldn't be going to the organization. When I told Kelly, an upperclassman I went to school with who had donated five dollars, that the money had been stolen I broke down and started crying. Kelly, being the amazing woman she is (and over time as our friendship has grown I realized it was just a small glimpse at how kind and amazing she is) pulled out fifty dollars, hugged me, and told me that it was okay. It was a wonderful thing to do. When all my faith in humanity was gone because one person stole over five hundred dollars from a charity, this one woman restored my faith with a simple fifty dollar bill and a hug.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Teddy Bear Kidnapping.

This was another one of those I kinda didn't really want to write, but I have to get through this post to get to the next one. So here it is. It's short.

Topic: Tell a story that begins with a ransom note.

I stood in the kitchen staring in shocked silence at the piece of paper in my hand. My heart broke in two as I read and reread the note demanding tacos in exchange for Teddy's life. I couldn't help but wonder what type of person would do something like this? How low does someone have to be to threaten the life of a poor defenseless bear to get half a dozen tacos? Where is Springer Park? Would they be there waiting? And most importantly, who was this letter intended for? I don't have a teddy bear. I take the letter and put it on the fridge with my favorite magnet. I may not know who Teddy is or how to save him, but he'll always hold a spot in my memory and on my fridge.

Monday, December 22, 2014

This Post Is Awful

Seriously, you can save these seconds you would have spent reading it and do something else instead. I'm not even joking.

Topic: You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect day.

Okay, I know it's been a couple days but I did say that I would be writing almost every day, not every day. I also want to say this won't be as good as I wanted it to be, because I wanted to incorporate Doctor Who into this but my brain isn't allowing me to do anything with the direction I had wanted to go. Nothing I can come up with does him any justice, so you're just going to have to deal with whatever it is that I manage to pull out of my ass here, because this topic is actually kind of hard. Really hard actually, I can't even decide what tense to write it in. Basically this ramble is longer than the actual topic. I don't even want to post this, but I said that I was going to not skip any topics, even if I really want to. This is especially difficult for me because I watched Gravity. I think space is beautiful, but really scary at the same time. If I was traveling through space with the Doctor on the Tardis I would be able to write a bunch about wonderful planets I went to or adventures had. But since I'm an astronaut describing my perfect day it's different. I guess I'd want to walk on the moon, hang out floating in space next to the International Space Station, and watch the sun "rise". I also think I'd spend quite a bit of time thinking about how beautiful the Earth is and how insignificant everything on it is in the long run. I'd be a bucket of sunshine there. 

Tomorrow's topic is better and won't suck as much. I promise. Like I said, I really didn't even want to post this, but the only way to get to the next one is to get this one out of the way. So there it was, crap and all. Sorry you wasted your time.


Friday, December 19, 2014

Facebook Circa 2017

Topic: Write Facebook status updates from the year 2017.

What you need to know to understand these: I have a husband that snores very, very loudly. I'm getting weight loss surgery hopefully in July that will remove 60-80% of my stomach, this increases fertility and you're allowed to start trying for children a year after your surgery, and I have a puppy named Tempest that is a Newfoundland mix. We're not sure what she's mixed with, but Newfoundlands get the size of a small horse. I'm not even joking.

She's four months old.



Now for the status updates circa 2017: